Conversations With My Brain

Welcome to my - sometimes not so wonderful, far from unicorns and rainbows - world.

What you are about to read are conversations that happened (and some are happening on a daily basis) between my brain and me about different topics in my life. Some are trivial and some are often the cause of my existential crisis.

Brain is in bold. I’m in.. you know, not bold.

Enjoy!

About work:

So, you’re out of work now?

Umm.. Yes

What are you going to do?

Oh, I don’t know, relax for a bit

What makes you think you deserve to relax for a bit?

What makes you think I don’t deserve to relax for a bit?!?!

Because why do you deserve to relax for a bit?

Everyone deserves to relax for a bit once in a while.

You mean, everyone with enough money.

I have enough

For now…

Why are you saying this? Aren’t you supposed to be on my side????

Now, what makes you think that?

Fuck you!

About gaining weight:

Are you sure you wanna wear that?

Yes, why?

Feels a bit tight around the tummy area, it’s because of that late-night burger you had.

Come on, that was a one-time thing.

Not to mention all that junk you ate during PMS.

Is it really necessary for you to remind me of that?!

Oh oh.. What about that time when you ate 2 bags of chips in one sitting?

Seriously?!? I was on my PMS.

A moment on the lips, forever on the hips.

I hate you.

About losing weight:

Your collarbone is protruding.

I know, I’m losing weight.

Are you undereating?

No, I’m not. I have just been eating less.

You’re undereating! Have some ice cream.

I don’t want ice cream. I’m fine.

Seriously, ice cream.

No, I’m fine and I don’t want ice cream.

....

....

Your shorts feel loose.

OMG. Shut up!!

ICE CREAM!!!

Fine!!!

About being in love:

Don’t say it.

Why? I want to be honest about my feelings.

But, why?

Because this time is different. This time I really feel it and it feels right.

Is it though?

Yes.

Is it?

Yes.

Really?

YES!

Hey, remember that time when you bore your heart and soul, expressed your feelings, and gave your all only to end up being heartbroken to a million pieces and you had to pick up the pieces all by yourself, that was fun, wasn’t it?

….

….

Seriously, why do you even exist??

About social life:

I’m going out today.

Lol

….

Oh you’re not joking.

I’m not. I’m going out.

To your balcony?

No, out out, where there are people.

You sure about that?

Yes, why?

People are awful.

Not all of them.

They judge you.

No, they don’t.

They don’t say it to your face.

They don’t!

Exactly, they don’t.

No.. I mean.. Ugh, why are we having this conversation again?

*This conversation will typically end with me not going out and binge-watch a TV series that I’ve watched a million times already instead.

About being told I’m beautiful:

You know he didn’t really mean that, right?

Why not?

Because he must want something from you.

No, wait, that’s not true.

Haha.. You’re cute when you’re being gullible.

I’m not being gullible, I’m accepting people’s compliments. That’s good.

Compliments don’t mean anything if they are not real.

But, I am beautiful.

That’s what they want you to think. Let’s stand in front of the mirror lol.

Sigh… Let’s not.

About zombie apocalypse: (This type of conversation typically happens right before I fall asleep)

What if you wake up tomorrow and there are no more people because they have turned into zombies?

Seriously, you’re asking this question right now?!

Yeah.. But, what if?

Then I’ll be safe, I live on the third floor and my door is pretty strong, I doubt zombies will be able to break it.

What if you ran out of food?

Shit, I didn’t even think of that.

…

…

I guess I'll go out and get food from an abandoned supermarket.

But there are zombies out there, how would you escape them?

I can run.

Lol, you’re funny!

What? I can run when I need to.

LOL

OMG! Shut up!

You need to start doing cardio just in case a zombie apocalypse happens.

It’s never going to happen

Yeah.. But, what if?

Then I’ll cross that bridge when I need to!

Lol. You’re gonna get bitten as soon as you’re out of your door.

Well, fuck you. Also, fuck you for making me think of this before I sleep!

You’re welcome.

About working out:

What are you doing?

I’m gonna start working out.

For a zombie apocalypse?

NO. For health reasons.

Let’s agree you’re doing it for a zombie apocalypse.

Don’t be ridiculous. We both know it’s not gonna happen.

….Or is it?

….

….

Fine, it’s for the zombie apocalypse. Happy?!

Ecstatic!

About riding my scooter behind a truck:

Hey, remember that dream you had a while ago where you saw a man get rolled over under a truck then he died tragically and there was blood everywhere?

WTF?! You’re saying this now?! I’m driving behind a truck!

Exactly.

Why are you such an asshole?

Just doing what I do best.

I’m driving really carefully, I’m not reckless.

Shit happens though.

Seriously?!

What?

Of all the time you can think of this, you decided to think about this now?

Talk about perfect timing, eh? Lol.

I don’t know what to do with you.

About being in a group of people:

Quick, say something smart!

Why?

So they don’t think you’re stupid.

I don’t need to say something smart to prove I’m not stupid.

You haven’t said anything in 5 minutes, they are starting to think you’re stupid.

No, they don’t. And I’m listening to the conversation.

So, you’re just gonna sit here and nod like a stupid person?

Yes… Wait… No.. Wait, what?!

SAY SOMETHING!

*blurt out* “Does anyone ever think of life after death?”

….

….

You’re hopeless

I panicked! Thanks to you.

Go home and think about what you said!

Sigh

About writing this blog post:

Don’t do it!

Why?

People are gonna think you’re crazy.

Well, I think there are a lot of people out there who can relate to this.

So, you think people talk to themselves about these things?

Yes… Don’t they?

….

….

Am I crazy?

Yes.

Shut up, I’m not.

….

….

This is crazy

This is crazy