All in Good Time
Sometimes I wonder if I can ever get what I want in life so easily. It seems like everything that I have in life so far, I had to fight for every single one of them. Not that I'm complaining. All these hardships that I had to face, have made my skin a little thicker.
Although, to be fair, nothing have ever come easy for me since I was young. I grew up in a strict household. Dad was a product of strict rules and strong principles household himself. Mom had a "gangster" mom who had 6 kids and was so strict that even as my grandma took her last breath, my mom was still terrified of her. So, I grew up with a dynamic duo of strict-town set of parents. And so being an only child for 14 years before my brother was born, I was raised with strict set of rules, expectations and demands. Literally, every single thing that I wanted growing up, I had to earn them.
I remember this one time when I was in middle school, everyone was wearing this cool Casio Baby-G watch. This watch was so cool, came in different colors and changeable straps, which made it so much cooler. It has these little buttons for different functions and one of the buttons makes the watch light up in the dark so that you can tell time even when it's dark. It was the trendiest watch at the time. I wanted to have the watch so bad. So I came to my dad and I asked him if I could also get one of those watches. Did he buy the watch as soon as I asked for them? No. He made me do house chores, like help my mom with cooking, clean the house, do the dishes, etc. It was weeks of this before I realized that I'm never going to get that watch, like, ever. I was becoming hopeless that I'm ever going to get the watch. But then, one day, my dad came home from work and he called me to sit down with him at the dining table. And he took out a tiny black box from his working bag and he said "You need to be responsible of this. This is not cheap and so you have to take good care of it". My heart was racing, I knew what was in that box. I was going to have my own Casio Baby-G! watch! I jumped out of my chair, gave him a huge hug and profusely thanking him. He gave me the box and I opened the box slowly as to add drama effect to the whole event. When it was completely opened, I immediately burst into tears. NO, not tears of joy. More like tears of disbelief and a slight disappointment. My dad, instead of getting me the Casio Baby-G watch, had bought me a Swatch watch instead. Fuck. My. Life.
I still thanked him, nonetheless, but I couldn't help feeling disappointed of not getting the watch that I want. At the time I felt like my world was crumbling down on me. Everyone at school was wearing this awesome watch and I would just be wearing a stupid regular analog watch. Of course, I couldn't not wear the watch, because my dad then would ask me why I didn't wear the watch and I didn't want to hurt his feelings by saying "That's not the watch that I want". So I HAD to wear the stupid watch while everyone else was wearing Casio Baby-G watch. Teenage drama, I know. But then after a while, I grew fondness towards this watch. It was actually not so bad of a watch at all. It was black and the numbers were in red as well as the hands of the watch. It didn't have buttons that makes the watch light up in the dark, but who really needs that function anyway. And to top it all off, I mastered the skill of telling time because it was an analog watch. Yes, I might have been slow in learning to tell time, sue me. So, it all worked out. The watch became my most treasured possession at the time. In fact, I don't think I have ever owned a watch that was as valuable as that watch. I did get a Casio Baby-G in the end, but that black Swatch watch will always have sentimental value in my life.
At the time, I did not realize that my dad was actually teaching me about a very important lesson in life. That in life, I will not always get what I want but I will always get what I need, no matter how much I think I don't need them. And, even though, I do get what I want, I will have to really earn it and fight for it. Of course at the time, I was not happy with the result of my hard work. Weeks of chores that I had to do when I could be doing something else with my time, only to be presented with something I didn't want.
As I go on and about in life, I find that the universe (or God or greater power or whatever it is you want to call it) often plays the role that my dad played back in the day. It, for the most part, presents me with opportunities that I didn't want or I'm not comfortable with. Oftentimes, I neglect these opportunities and end up in a rather uncomfortable "What could have been" situations. So I began to trust how the universe works and learned from my past mistakes.
I know, it sounds pretty silly to trust something that is merely a concept. But, I figured, there must be some sort of a greater power that is controlling all of this. With that said, I don't believe that the universe controls every single step we take. It presents you with opportunities and that's it. Whatever you want to do with the opportunity, whether you want to chuck it in the bin or go through with it, it is completely your decision. Both decisions will definitely contribute different outcomes in your life, but whichever decision you take (chuck in the bin or go through with it) does not determine the level of happiness you will experience in the end. The universe does not control your happiness, YOU DO. Because at the end of the day, whichever decision you take, you will learn to live with it, love it and make it a part of you. At least until another opportunity comes along that would allow you to have a second chance to fix what you feel is wrong. This is something I am very familiar with and have gone through it several times.
But, the universe is funny that way. It loves to play with your mind and sense of adventure. It sometimes presents you with an opportunity that you want AND need, that is so rare that will make you feel overwhelm with emotions, to the point where you scream at the top of your lungs "WHAT THE FUCK, UNIVERSE?!". This opportunity will require next level of understanding, hardships and a lot of trusting your gut feeling, if you do decide to go through with it. Mind you, based on personal past experiences, this rare opportunity doesn't come that often in life. In fact, it might only come once in your life. When it does happen to you, my advice is go with your gut feeling. Nothing is more powerful than what your inner self is telling you. Your instinct, I believe, leads you to exactly where you are supposed to be if you just listen. The instinct that feels like fire in your belly, the gut feeling that tells you to do it or not do it (whatever "it" may be), is a feeling you are supposed to trust.
Here's how I see it, whatever opportunity the universe present to you, be it something or someone that you want and/or need or something that is so rare that you never experience in life before and whatever decision you make for this opportunity, you just have to trust the process. This is important. This is something that a lot of us often fail to understand, myself included. Oftentimes, we want instant results, reaching the finish line as soon as we can, ignoring the process. When in fact, the process is the way to make our skin a little thicker in facing the ups and downs of this thing we call life. Truth is, whichever decision you make, as a response to the opportunity given by the universe, will always have lessons for you to learn. No such thing as wasted effort. No matter what the outcomes are. The process is the whole point of all of this.
Now, this is the hard part. The result may or may not be the thing that you want, but it will definitely be something that you need at the time it is happening. Yes, you will go through frustration in accepting the cold truth of not getting what you want, but trust that it is what's best at the time being. I am not asking you to easily give up what you want in life, but there's a saying that says "All in good time". So, when or if the result of your hardships is not the result you want, trust that it may not be the right time for you to experience it. It doesn't necessarily mean that you are not going to get what you want at all in life, you will, but all in good time.