A Series of Unfortunate Limiting Beliefs
A few weeks ago, I stumbled upon a website run by one of my favorite authors, Mark Manson. He's the dude behind the book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. He's the reason why I'm familiar with the term "Disappointment Panda" and managed to identify one in my life whom I now run to whenever I need some sense slapped into me. As a fan of his book, of course this discovery was a gem. The articles on his website are eye-opening and I love how he's very blunt, telling it as it is, in each article he posted.
One of the articles that I found on the website is about limiting beliefs and how we tend to get trapped believing things that hold us down. In my case, which was also mention in the article (I told you he was good!), is my limiting belief in my age.
When I was in my early 20's, and I think most people experienced this too, I had this perfect image of how I'm gonna be when I reach the big 4-0. It involves owning a house, a mean of transportation, stable career, abundant of savings, a partner and kids. Never in a million years, that a divorce and starting all over again was in the plan. Fast forward to today, I am a few weeks away from my 39th birthday, divorced, minimum savings, no possession of a house and transportation in sight and I recently made a huge decision related to my career *insert terrifying back sound here*. The one thing that went as planned is that I have kids, whom I'm very grateful for. Other than that, everything is still a blur.
Ever since I turned 35, birthdays no longer excites me. If anything, it feels like a burden. While getting old is inevitable, I seem to not able to make peace with myself in terms of my age and the things I want to accomplish. The thing about turning a year older for me is not about the getting old part. Saggy boobs and wrinkled skin are the least of my worries, really. It's that ideal image that I had when I was in my early twenties and the fact that I'm not in my twenties anymore and nowhere near that ideal image. Screw you, early twenties idealization!
Somehow, with the fact that I'm almost 40, I have this belief that there are limitations of all the things I want to accomplish in life. Things like "I'm too old to start pursuing my passion in writing" or "I'm almost fucking 40, not really the time to think of career change" or the worst one yet "Am I even qualified to do the things I'm really passionate about? And if I did, what if I don't succeed?". And guess what, these are not the only limiting beliefs I have. Ha. Isn't life fun?!
When I read that article about limiting beliefs by Mark Manson, I felt like I was slapped by a ton of bricks. Another realization, except this one is tougher than any realizations I have ever experienced. I realized that the only person stopping me from making decisions in my life was ME. I didn't trust myself enough to take that one step. Caring too much of what people were gonna say about me if I made a decision that would completely change my life, when in fact, people are way too busy thinking about their own shit. Thinking that I'm not capable of doing things I know I'm good at, just because other people do it better -In reality, just because other people do it better than you, doesn't mean that you're shit at whatever it is that you do- Look, this is not about being overconfident with what you do best and become a braggy asshole about it, this is about believing that you can and overcoming that self judgment that would limit you in doing things that you know you're purposed to do.
My Disappointment Panda says to me, about a gazillion times, "Age is just a number", to which I always reply "Easy for you to say, you're not even 30 yet!". The truth is he is right. Age really IS just a number. It really doesn't mean anything except you're closer to your, not to sound dark or anything, death. A friend who has recently turned 40 told me that ever since she turned 40, she's been living her best life. The first thought that crossed my mind was "Well fuck, I want YOUR life!". But then I thought, if she can enjoy her life with all its ups and downs, why can't I?
So, these past few days, I started listing down all my limiting beliefs. And to no surprise, it is one heck of a long list. And I realized that there seems to be a thin but pretty apparent line that connects all of my limiting beliefs. The fear of trying and failing. My limiting beliefs are so embedded in me that I actually believe they are real! Oh dear Lord, aren't life realizations beautiful and devastating at the same time?!?!
My journey of overcoming my limiting beliefs is still a long way to go, but I have given myself a pat in the back for identifying, acknowledging and wanting to change them. Trust me, that is the hard part. Confronting yourself of your flaws is never an easy thing to do. Here's an experiment I have been trying these past few days, if I can make myself believe in these limiting beliefs, then maybe I can reprogram myself to believe in new beliefs that are much more useful for me and in the process, letting go of beliefs that no longer serve me. Easier said than done, I know, but at least it's a start.
The way I see it, I have one year before I turn 40 and who knows what's gonna happen then. Maybe all that ideal image I had when I was in my early twenties will come true, maybe only half of them will, maybe I'll have better ones, hell, maybe they will all come true when I'm 50! I really don't know. What I know is that I am my worst enemy, just like you are yours. And the only person who can beat this enemy down, is me. So, here's a challenge for you, as it is a challenge for me too, try out new ideas and beliefs, find what serve you best, always remember that there is always room for improvements and just like Mark Manson said at the end of his article "Just make sure you aren’t the only one stopping it from happening."
Good luck!