The Fear of Running Out of Time

Ever heard a game called Super Mario Brothers? If you were born in the 80's and 90's, chances are you have heard of this game and perhaps have played the game at one point in your life or maybe are still playing the game (no judgment, the game is very intriguing). But, if you have no idea at all of what I'm talking about, it's a game that was released by Nintendo on July 14, 1983 and since then Nintendo has released different variations of the game. From a 3D version of Super Mario Brothers to Mario Kart, all guarantee of fun times. I personally like the classic one and the newer one released on Nintendo Wii.

The game basically revolves around two plumbers, Mario and Luigi (more protagonist characters were added in the newer versions) and their adventures in saving Princess Peach from the evil King Koopa and his minions. And to add more suspense to the game, on each level, there is a time limit. If you can't complete the level before the time is up, you will lose a life and you have to start the level all over again. I used to play this game a lot when I was younger, heck, I still enjoy playing the game now. Whenever I'm on a tough level, time is running out and I'm nowhere near completing the level, I always feel like I'm going crazy. Focusing on stomping the minions, running fast towards the flag pole to complete the level and trying to not run out of time while doing all of this. This is where things usually get out of hand and instead of losing a life because time has run out, I would lose a life because of one of the minions.

What is interesting is that sometimes I see life as a level in this game. We face our versions of King Koopa and his minions on a daily basis trying to reach our goals, whatever they may be, and we are given a time limit -our time on earth- to do so. The only difference is, in the game, we get to see the time ticking. In real life, we're not as lucky.

I had a chat with a friend the other day and he confided in me on how he is unhappy with his life. He then continued by saying that over the past few years he had developed a form of fear. The fear of running out of time. That statement hit me like a ton of brick. You see, the truth is, I have had my fair share of having this fear in my life. No, it's not that I'm scared of dying, but just the thought of not being able to achieve things I wanted to achieve in life before my dying breath scared the fuck out of me.

Let me elaborate a bit further on that so that you'll understand. At the end of 2018, at the age of 37, I decided to get a divorce from an 11 years of marriage. While I was able to be at peace and feel happy of that decision, I was faced with the fear of starting over and not being able to find another life partner for the remaining years of my life. 6 months after that, I made a huge career change. A career change in which I have to start from zero. A change that I wasn't familiar about and letting go of a career that I had been in for 15 years, doing what I know best.

These changes are, of course, good. They were something that I needed to progress in life and I didn't feel a tiny bit of regret making those changes. However, I'd be lying if I said I didn't lose sleep over the decision because the truth was I kept getting panic attacks in the middle of the night asking myself if I was doing the right thing.

I used to have a vision that when I am at my late 30's, I would have a complete life. A partner, family, steady job, savings and perhaps a tiny little house with white picket fences. A standard vision that perhaps many of you have. But as they say, reality bites, I am nowhere near there. Not even close. From this, I began to have daily battles with my inner demon. The fear of running out of time. I kept observing the people around me, my friends from college, specifically, and how they have established a life at the age of 37. Putting aside if they are happy or not with their lives, they are at least somewhere. And there I was starting something new and being nowhere near where they are.

If you have read a book called A Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson, most likely, you are familiar with a superhero he invented called the Disappointment Panda. This superhero basically goes around and slapping you in the face with the harsh truth that is the bitter sweet reality. "Disappointment Panda would be the hero that none of use would want but all of us would need" he described further. Mark Manson pretty much acts like everyone's Disappointment Panda in the book, reminding us of the cold harsh truth. I'm lucky to have my own personal Disappointment Panda in my life. One that would never hesitate to tell me things as is. One that would never sugar coat shit as they are served to me on a cheap platter. If you're reading this, Anthony, and I know you are, yes, I am talking about you.

When I confided in him about what I had expected in life at my age and my fear of running out of time, he answered back with a question that was so revolutionary, I was taken aback and was speechless from it. He asked me a simple question "So?". He then continued saying, somewhere along the lines of, that those are the standards that I thought the society expects me to achieve. No one actually wrote the rules of how to survive life or that I have to achieve certain things on certain age. It's all depending on my pace, whatever life throws at me and however I handle it. And it differs from one human being to another. There is no such thing as running out of time. I will feel like so, only if I'm not doing anything in my life.

From that conversation I was able to conclude that maybe the concept of time is an illusion. Yes, we have a standard time of 24 hours in a day, but when it comes to achieving things in your life, do we really have a time limitation -other than our time on earth, that is-? We are exposed with so many stories from around the world on how people achieve things at the age where we thought it's impossible for them to achieve anything. Cases in point, Colonel Sanders, the founder of KFC, he didn't come up with KFC until he was 65 years old. The age where most people would slow down and retire. Stan Lee didn't create his first comic at the age of 39 which later created Marvel Comics and invented superheroes who dominate the box office or Vera Wang whose dream was to become an Olympic Figure Skater but entered the fashion industry instead at the age of 40 and became one of the world's known fashion icon. And so many other stories of people similar to this.

As similar life is to Super Mario Brothers, we don't get to lose a life and start all over again. That's not how it works. Life is short and unlike the game, we all don't have the luxury of knowing how much time we have left on earth. So maybe it's not the running out of time that we all need to fear. But maybe it's if and/or when our persistence and perseverance are non-existent. Everything that my friends have achieved in their lives is not because they were racing with time, but it's because of their consistent persistence and perseverance. The truth is, it doesn't matter where you are in life as long as you keep going. The only standard of success is the one you make for yourself. Comparing your life with others is such a selfish thing to do because everyone is fighting their own battles in life.

So, yes, maybe I haven't achieved most of the things in life I want to achieve, but I am actually somewhere I am supposed to be. I may not have a partner in life, started a new career from zero and not even close to owning that tiny house with white picket fences, but I am doing something that one day may (or may not) propel me somewhere in life. The most important thing is, with the remaining time that I have in life, I am doing something that is meaningful to me. When this is all over, isn't that the most important thing?