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Take Charge

  • Writer: Swissty Damayanty
    Swissty Damayanty
  • Apr 25, 2020
  • 3 min read

Nobody likes responsibility. Taking on responsibility is such a daunting task filled with a heavy burden on our shoulders. But as much as we hate this daunting task, we have to live with the fact that responsibility is actually one of the things that make us grow. Okay, yes, as adults, responsibility just sort of falls on our laps, whether we like it or not. Paying bills, work to earn money to pay the bills, making sure we eat healthy to stay healthy, blablabla, yadayadayada, you get the point. Here's something tricky about this whole responsibility ordeal, as adults, we also have to take responsibility for our psychological being. I remember I was in this toxic relationship a few years ago. I was cheated on. The whole trust that I had for him crumbled into little pieces. I was devastated, disappointed, angry, sad, depressed, and the whole nine yards. I was miserable for weeks. Asking questions I cannot answer. "Why did he do it?" "Is it me?" "Is it my fault?" "Am I just not that good enough?" then all of these questions melted together in a pot full of anger and sadness. After weeks of heavy crying and feeling shitload miserable, one day I decided I was tired from feeling this way. So I sat down and I did a lot of thinking. Yes, what he did was shit, and yes, what he did hurt me, bad. It was unforgivable and just straight-up fucked up. He was at fault, but he was nowhere near why I couldn't pick myself up and move on. There was nothing he can do, really. It was all up to me. With this revelation, I started to bounce back. Forgave him for what he did, not for his sake, but for my peace of mind and strength to move on. Of course, picking myself up from that heartbreak was not easy. But realizing that I took that responsibility to not feel miserable anymore helped. It was liberating, really. I took the first step and made a decision that I will not be miserable anymore for what he did. He was not responsible for my feelings, I was. Often times, we tend to forget to do this. Take responsibility for what we feel. I have to admit, there were times in the past (and possibly a few times presently) where I would shift the responsibility for whatever I'm feeling towards other people. Why? Because, naturally, it is easier to do. Responsibility is somehow always related to being at fault. Therefore being responsible for any pain, discomfort, heartbreak I felt, I always blamed it on other people. The -not my fault- victim mentality I had was through the roof. But the truth is taking on responsibility for yourself does not always mean you're at fault. A lot of times it means that you are just responding to events that are happening to you (many of them, you didn't even cause), for your sake. It's not fair to pour the responsibility of what you're feeling and/or thinking onto other people. Of course, just like any other self-change journeys in my life, saying it is always easier than doing it. But at least, now I know when and how to take charge and be responsible for my own feelings and situation. I am in control of how, when, and for how long I want to feel certain emotions in me. That is 100% my responsibility.

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A BLOG BY SWISSTY DAMAYANTY

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