A Blissful Lesson

Right before 2019 ended, I realized that I learned to do one thing, among others, throughout the year. I learned that I started to really be picky on things, people and/or events that I give my reactions and/or response to. The reason why I no longer immediately respond and/or react to things, people and/or events is mostly because I don’t have the energy and time to. I have so many things going on in my life, so many issues I want to deal with, so many changes I want to go through in my life that without realizing, I become very picky of the stuff I give my attention to.

Another reason why is because I realize that it is mentally tiring and emotionally exhausting to respond or react to every single event/situation that is happening around me, be it events/situation that I’m closely connected with or not, like if a friend confides in me about his/her friend whom I know nothing about.

This learning process did not come easy, of course. I used to be a very reactive person, easily affected by other people’s emotions and would feel somewhat obligated to help. However, as I was, and still am, in the journey of developing myself, finding out what I want, how I want it, defining self love, practicing self love and all that jazz, I became a bit overwhelmed with this reactive side of me. Often-time in the past, I was quick to respond/react to an event/situation that I regretted in the end. And regret is never a good feeling.

I wouldn’t say I have become numb. No, not at all. It’s just that now I get to choose what, who, when and how I want to respond/react. And it is totally okay to choose not to respond/react at all. It does not make me less of a human with feelings and emotions. It does, however, and I feel like this is a good thing, make me use my time and energy more efficiently, responding/reacting to events/situations that really require me to do so.

Have I mastered this not responding/reacting to events/situations that don’t really need my attention? No. There are still times where I would unconsciously give in and respond/react to stuff. But now, I feel less guilty and regret doing so. After-all, this is still a learning process for me and I’m bound to make mistakes and that is okay.

I accept my mistake, forgive myself and I move on.